The Knotholes of life

Tualatin pics 220

Change is something that challenges everyone. It kicks their butt. The idea that something that once was one way becoming something else can affect them to the core.

Why did this happen?

How can I stop it?

I just want it back the way it was.

There was a time in my life that I was coming up against some pretty big stuff. I needed to make some changes because the status quo was not working. Stress was my middle name, first name and last name.

My business was faltering, the one I spent all my divorce settlement trying to hold onto.  The last bit of security I had to hold onto my house. Things were bad. To top it off I was in a toxic relationship that was not a good representation of what I wanted to teach my daughters to look for in their personal relationships. Basically I was a wreck.

The flip side was scarier though, at least I knew what this felt like, I knew how to wake up and do what I did everyday. I thought I could handle it. Then the health stuff happened. Pnemonia, Flu and Mono at the same time, brought on Hashimoto’s thyroiditis. And on a very sunny day, a day when all I wanted to do was pull some weeds out front at my house that I might lose soon, my last summer in that house; I passed out in the front yard. Something had to give.

Still I wanted to hold on to this because I knew what this was.

A good friend stopped by my shop as she often did. She had a sense when I was really in a vulnerable place and she told me this tale.

“Imagine that you are a little person, so very small. A giant hand has grabbed you by the butt and is trying very hard to pull you through a knothole of a tree. And you are struggling, desperate to pull back out of the hole, to escape and be where you were. Can you see it?”

By then I had closed my eyes, and was visualizing the scene with her soft, caring voice leading me.

“Yes.” I answered.

“Now imagine seeing yourself, finally so exhausted, you cease the struggle. At that moment, you become limp and your body slides through the knothole with ease. And the other side is so free, you can move, you can be. It is a much more beautiful place than you ever could have imagined. ”

Sometimes we fight so hard to stay where we are, with what we know; that we give up our health, our dreams, our very selves.

I remember this story when I am looking at changes. You weigh your options, look at it all. Then let go, and see what happens.

Slide right through, and celebrate that we are meant to grow, challenge ourselves see what this great world has to offer.

Remember that in nature there is no security.

Let go, trust in the process, believe.

Just live.

With love, Hazel



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