Your dreams or mine

I am an observer. I watch people. I listen to what they say. I hear them.broken wish

I have a terrible tendency to take on their dreams as my own. To set aside my own dreams and passions. I listen to others when they tell me what I should do, what I should feel. How to move forward successfully.

I  listen to the noises of the Chinese woman whom takes all of our recyclables. She comes once a week. There is a stipend for each bottle at the store and it is worth it to her, to take them and change them in for money. I imagine that she comes from the old country, where she worked very hard to make ends meet for her family. She doesn’t understand our wasteful society. She is bored here, since the work is less than what she remembers as a younger self. The houses are bigger, maybe only small families inside. Multiple generation households are non-existent. She keeps herself busy and calls the rest of us stupid for throwing away money. She either fought hard to come over here or was brought over by a younger family member who broke free. I shouldn’t say she is Chinese. Perhaps another culture, but in the Asian arena.

Back to what I was saying. In the last week I have had two people tell me they want someone who can “help build my business”. This is interesting to me, not that I want to now do that, but because, they seem overwhelmed right now with the business that they currently have. Why do you want more business, when you are stressed, have no time off and seem rushed all the time?

Two schools of thought here,

  • If you are not growing your business, you are shrinking.
  • They want more financial gains.

Let’s tackle #1

If you are not growing your business, you are shrinking.

When you have a business, you are constantly being asked to forecast, forecasting for the bank, or partners, or trying to plan for the next potential lull. It’s as if you aren’t growing you are waiting to die. But how much business do you really need? Are you making enough? Do you have work/life balance? What are your ultimate goals? What is the point?

When growing a business, I think it is important to know these things and to be ok in a plateau while putting together the infrastructure needed to go bigger. The constant push for the sake of pushing; what is that? As someone who has never put a huge emphasis on money, I am perplexed with the logic to work harder and harder just for the sake of working harder. I would like to learn to work smarter. How can I get this work done with delegation, or in a team? Is it everyone’s goal to just be huge? Becoming a corporate bigwig in your own right? Is it ever enough?

#2 They want more financial gains.

Wanting more money is understandable and a very big deal to many people. But how much is enough? Is it worth working all the hours if you don’t make it to retirement because you have overworked yourself?

The Dalai Lama, when asked what surprised him most about humanity, he said:

“Man.
Because he sacrifices his health in order to make money.
Then he sacrifices money to recuperate his health.
And then he is so anxious about the future that he does not enjoy the present;
the result being that he does not live in the present or the future;
he lives as if he is never going to die, and then dies having never really lived.”

 

This makes me so sad. Is it worth it? What makes it worth it? Money?

When an afternoon pushing a child on a swing costs nothing?

Smelling a rose on the path while taking a walk costs nothing?

Smiling at a stranger? And them smiling back?

Yes, I understand the need for money, that there must be stability in life to take care of the basic needs. But once those needs are met, what is the goal? Or what should it be?

To be Richard Branson? Ever notice how happy he looks in all of his pictures? It’s because the man has balance, he knows how to work smarter and he puts people in place to help him reach his goals. He does what he wants.

In the last few weeks I have imagined getting myself a little job. Something part time to bring in some money to help with the bills and allow myself the time needed to finish my novel, and perhaps work on another one after that.

I go in to what I thought was an interview for a job. Something that was part time, that I could leave at the office and go home afterwards. Pursue my dream and passion.

Suddenly it turns into,

“THE POSSIBILITIES ARE ENDLESS”

“YOU CAN WRITE YOUR OWN TICKET”

“I WANT YOU TO HELP ME BUILD MY BUSINESS

“I WILL NEED YOU HERE BEFORE HOURS; AND AFTER HOURS”

“A REAL COMMITMENT”

Pressure

Helping someone else with their dreams

And leaving mine behind

Again

And I tell my support system and they say “Great! You should appreciate this opportunity and that they think that much of you!”

And I shrink,

away from myself

and what I have to offer

and I fall away and

see it all disappear again.

Or do I?

Big love, Hazel

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